The pressure is on, when you are dating. You are constantly thinking about the pro’s and con’s of ‘this’ relationship, especially if you are divorced, with children or a workaholic. On the first date, if they want to split the bill, there will not be a second encounter. Most women share the same opinion. You ask a series of questions, relating to their tastes in everything, from coffee bean to favorite book. Then maybe you sleep with them, however long it takes you. Then hopefully you can be intimate, and happy. Why waste your valuable time, if not? Sometimes we can be lonely, if single. However, if you are in relationship, just because, that is melancholic. Simple.
Today while I was waiting for my take-out coffee, I decided to flick through the latest ‘Grazia’ magazine, when an article caught my eye. It said that, the highest ranking google search for 2012, was ‘how to love’. This intrigued me. It went on to say, that maybe we are too busy (or scared) to love, that ‘like’ is now the common denominator. Recently I watched a new (DVD) release ‘360’ featuring Jude Law, Rachel Weisz and Anthony Hopkins, about multiple relationships interwining set in various countries. Everything from prostitution, adultery to unrequited love. This ‘human condition’ called love is everywhere, and no one can work it out.
Do you suffer from commitment phobia? Or have a friend, that you like more than you should? I think everyone, ideally, wants to be in a relationship, right? Having someone that you trust and adore, by your side. When you don’t have that person in your immediate life, you want it. Then after a few years, the relationship can sometimes stifle your independence, sound familiar? Relationships are high maintenance, you need to make an effort, otherwise they disintegrate, without warning. ‘Phobia’ (a play I wrote with David Allnutt) is about platonic love. Can you have your cake, and eat it too?
When all else fails, try the personal columns in the newspaper or register with an online dating site. There are a few websites to choose from, just not ‘True Love’. I was shocked to read, that this man lost his heart, home and retirement money, to someone who did not exist? Sometimes it is difficult to meet people. I get it. Expectation of what we want, and what we get, are poles apart. Life lessons. I know friends who have consequently married, due to online dating, and still together. It can work, right?
Have you ever found love online? Or participated in a reality tv show, where you court each other, and ask direct questions about (their) preferences and previous partners, to hopefully find a potential mate? I have previously utilised a couple of online dating sites, which concluded with a short-term relationship. Not really sure, if this is the ‘ideal’ (virtual) space to meet the person you would like to spend the rest of your life with? Or maybe it is? Did they meet your expectations? After watching a snippet of ‘The Bachelor’ recently, I was surprised how many women, were actually competing for the attention and adoration of one male? Incredible. Does manufactured love, actually work in real time? Can you build feelings for someone, being televised? Is it all about winning? Serendipity is magic, when it happens.
Going to the theatre, always sparks my imagination. Just saw a play about a relationship between an actor who met a girl and she wanted to be an actor too, or did she? Storytelling told by one man, which then interwined with a young woman, who he bumped into at a nightclub, then matters of the heart followed. How many times have you met someone and wanted something more? Being a playwright and writing material about the psyche, of the disposition of both men and women, in the beginning of a relationship, is fascinating. Even more intriguing, in the rehearsal room. Marriages in New Zealand are declining and divorce is increasing apparently, within 2-3 years of wedlock? I know so many people who prefer to remain single. Are we now just accepting disposable relationships as the norm, possibly hesitating to explore something more? Never give up on love, or yourself.
“If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on.”
– Steve Jobs